taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
