I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
