I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
