If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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