I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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