Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
