hotel room ftw
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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