His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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