Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
