So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
