I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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