I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
