She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
