dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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