Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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