why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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