where does the pee come out of this thing
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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