do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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