The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
