Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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