ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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