she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
