my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
