Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
