She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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