i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
