Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
