I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
