That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf