I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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