i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.