As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.