i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...