they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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