There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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