Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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