who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
