happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
