Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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