...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
