I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
