I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I intend to get homeless drunk
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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