Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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