There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
