what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
