I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
