There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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