just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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