i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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