In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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