We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
3pm strippers are depressing
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
