OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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