My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
