i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
