you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
