I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
