proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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