There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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