This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
