The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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