walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
