Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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