Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My vagina is officially offended.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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