I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
