My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
