Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
