dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
