her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
