I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
